


Two Sugars (Is Still Not As Sweet As You)

by A_Small_Town_Girl, Angel_of_Brahma



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Author is bad at tagging, Blatant use of the Peter Nureyev Alias Generator™, Both authors would die for Rita., Canon Non-Binary Character, Disaster Bi Juno Steel, Earth AU, Fluff, Modern AU, Mutual Pining, Other, Refs to canon, Rita and Juno are low key best friends, Rita is an angel and she's the only reason Juno is alive, barista peter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-07-05 02:39:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15854541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Small_Town_Girl/pseuds/A_Small_Town_Girl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_of_Brahma/pseuds/Angel_of_Brahma
Summary: Juno Steel is a private investigator with a penchant for bad art and coffee. When he meets a certain charming barista, he decides maybe that's not a bad thing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya guys! Alex here! This is my first fanfic cowritten with my irl best friend (a_small_town_girl) but since I binge listened to the Penumbra and she's currently in the middle of season 1, we've decided to team up on this one! We hope you enjoy and if you do please feel free to comment! Any feedback is appreciated.  
> Edit: Just so you guys know, my friend and I will be taking turns with writing chapters, so if you notice differences in style that'll be why

There were many words used to describe Juno Steel. Collector of terrible art, decent cook, bad gambler. Another would be Private Investigator.

Honestly though, he felt more like the Kanagawa family were looking for an exorcist than an investigator. He was deeply concerned that the Kanagawa household was secretly haunted, what with all its ancient tombs and long lost artifacts. One thing Juno Steel was not was an exorcist.

Usually Juno would send Rita to get his morning coffee, but he needed to clear his head. He was drowning in leads and couldn't think straight and so Rita had offered to handle research while he got their morning coffee run. Morning coffee was a routine in the Juno Steel Detective Agency.

The coffee shop, a small hole-in-the-wall place that felt like a hidden treasure, was playing some mopey hipster music. Juno rolled his eyes and put an earphone in while he waited for the queue to clear.

The counter was mahoganey, sturdy and dark and cluttered with teapots, cakes, coffees. Rita always praised the atmosphere of this particular cafe and Juno could understand why.

The place reminded him of her. A happy mess. Staff that always treated you like a friend. Comfy chairs and big windows with sunlight streaming through.

"Can I help you?"

The voice came from behind the counter, low and smooth. Juno focused his attention on who it had come from.

The man behind the counter was tall and slim. He had the body of a dancer and pianist hands. He was all swooping hair and sparkling eyes. He had a smile like an angel, with teeth so sharp they reminded him even angels can fall. He looked happy to see him. Juno felt a tug at his chest and his stomach.  
It wasn't unpleasant, Juno thought, All things considered.

Juno watched as the man's expression slipped from happiness to confusion.  
Right, his order. He'd been staring.

"One medium cappuccino to go and..." He looked at the order Rita had given him, "One medium caramel latte with extra foam and extra caramel."

The man behind the counter chuckled.

"You happen to know the girl who orders that every morning?" He asked.

Juno nodded, only to realise he'd forgotten to breathe at some point. He took a deep breath only to smell something intoxicating. The man's cologne? Juno's eyes flicked to his name tag. Rex.

The man - Rex, smiled wistfully.

"She's a lucky girl then."

Juno laughed in spite of himself. Rex's eyebrows narrowed.

"She's my assistant." He explained.

Rex smiled.

"I need a name for these-"

"Oh right," Juno interrupted, "Juno for the cappuccino and Rita for the latte."

Rex scribbled that down. Juno longed to stay longer, to talk to this man. Something about him drew him in. And that cologne-

"That'll be £5.17." Rex announced.

Juno handed him the money from his purse. The exact change. A lady is always prepared.

As he waited for his coffee and watched Rex talk freely with others from a distance, he decided maybe he'd come here more often.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's @A_Small_Town_Girl the irl friend of Dork_Gently. I'll be doing every second chapter of this fic. Hope you guys enjoy this chapter!!

“I’m telling ya, Mistah Steel, there are teleporters are involved.” 

It was the next morning and Rita and Juno were both equally determined to wrap up the loose ends of the case they were taking currently. It was stressful business and they were both running out of ideas, especially Rita who was using her favourite science fiction show as basis of her theory of how the victim ended up dying on a bed next to his lover even though he was reported to missing for quite some time.  
Juno sighed in response struggling to keep his eyes open, maybe staying awake all night on this case wasn’t his smartest idea. He looked at the notes they had there was the grand total of nothing that could answer how the murder was committed.

“Rita, there is no such thing as teleporters.” He rubbed his eyes then scribbled out teleporter from their ideas list yawning so loud that it caught Rita’s attention.  
The woman in question tutted, he knew she hated it when he refused to take care of himself. She folded her arms, “Mistah Steel did ya get any sleep last night?”   
Rita was very protective over him, she was the only one who stuck by him through thick and thin, she was the closest thing he had to family (not that he'd tell her that anytime soon, he had a reputation to maintain).

“About two hours before you came.” He answered. It was pointless lying to Rita, she had this sixth sense when it came to detecting lies. It was one of the reasons they made a good team when it came to solving other people’s problems. “But seriously Rita I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me instead worry about how the hell we going to solve case.”

Rita didn’t seem impressed with that answer, instead begining to gather up the papers on the table. Juno gave her a questioning and judgemental look all rolled into one. Rita started humming a tune of theme song of TV show she liked while she worked. 

“Rita, what are you doing?” He asked knowing exactly what was she was doing. He just felt the need to voice the frustration that she was making them taking a break on such a high stakes case. 

Rita put the papers on the counter of his small kitchen and put on her coat and scarf. She then proceed to throw his black trench coat to him, “You need a break, Mistah Steel, so I thought we could visit the coffee place downtown.” She had the tone of voice that there was point of arguing with her, so begrudging he followed her out of the apartment and down the street ending up at the exact coffee shop he visited yesterday.

The first thing, Juno noticed when he stepped inside with Rita at his side was that the barista from yesterday was working again with a young woman who was looking like she wasn’t getting paid enough to be here - wait that was Vicky. He knew her in passing from several cases in the past, small world he guessed.

Rita lowered her voice so only Juno could hear her while Victor started preparing her drink, “Ya should talk to him!” She promptly noticed Juno trying his blend into the background and act you don’t care trick, “He is actually really nice, I’ve talked to him before, ya should give him a chance, he can’t seem to take his eyes off ya Mistah Steel!” She was becoming more excited at the prospect of the two of them talking than was considered normal.

Rita’s medium caramel latte with extra foam and extra caramel was placed on the counter, “Juno, would like anything, same as yesterday perhaps?” Juno was going to say something to him at some point properly that wasn’t an order of drinks, just not right now. He nodded in agreement. He immediately realised that Victor remembered his name. Be found it strangely complimenting. The fuzzy feeling returned with a bang he really needed to try and control that.

Victor was something he couldn’t explain, he was someone with grit and nerve who could probably walk through hell with a smile. He gave Juno a feeling that he could be sweet and flirty and then in the blink of an eye could stab you if you pissed him off. 

“Here you are, Juno dearest, on the house if you promise to come back tomorrow.” Victor smiled before handing him the cup. Rita was grinning like idiot giving him a supportive squeeze on the arm. 

Well, free coffee was free coffee,so what the hell?

Juno smirked, “Well, Lane you got a deal.”   
They shook on it before the duo decided to leave the shop, both reflecting on what had happened. Juno Steel never signed up for this attraction thing. He didn’t think he needed or deserved love, but life was funny like that - giving opportunities out of the blue.   
Juno Steel was as sure as hell going to take them.


	3. Chapter 3

Peter Nureyev is a man of many names, and that’s not his fault really.

He’d lost his nametag after his first week on the job. Still a new employee and too awkward to say anything, Peter had taken to stealing nametags from the lost and found.

A new identity for every day.

Today his nametag read ‘Duke Rose’, and he found it suited both the ruby red lipstick he had decided to sport today and himself.

He often found himself imagining his aliases living bold and daring lives, as though they were stars of their own show.

He saw Rex Glass as a man of mystery; a secret agent with a few too many skeletons in his closet and a love as alike him as not. A police officer, he imagined, or a snarky detective.

Duke Rose, on the other hand?

An elegant man, he thought, fairly distinguished, but below the surface? A master thief living life on the run with his beloved spouse.

He imagined the scene – Duke and his dearest, Dahlia, making a break for it again! This time they were leaving with not only several priceless artifacts but also the greatest escape car in the galaxy. He imagined Duke, in all his finery, driving, and Dahlia, dressed to the nines in a tight fitting red gown, shooting down anyone who approached.

Life lived like that, like a Kanagawa prime-time special-

“Hello, earth to… whoever you are today?” Peter was snapped out of his reverie by a hand waving in front of his face accompanied by a cool yet firm voice. He blinked a few times, allowing himself to adjust to his surroundings. He shook his head gently, attempting to ward away the daydream.

“Sorry, Alessandra.” He said, “Just got distracted.”

Peter hadn’t done many shifts with Alessandra Strong, and in full honesty she still intimidated him immensely. Every expression and order she gave was indicative of a self-appointed leader. She was an ironically _strong_ individual, all steel bones and titanium constitution.

She rolled her eyes, but not harshly.

“Well, get undistracted,” She said, firmly but motherly, “Your little lady just walked in.”

Peter’s eyes brightened. He glanced to the back of the line and saw him there.

Typical black trenchcoat, uncontrollably curly hair, mouth parted – almost forming a question. He had a far-away look in his eye and an earphone dangling from his ear.

Peter remembered the first day he’d came here. He looked tired, frustrated even. Peter had had many customers that day but never one like him. Never one who stuck so firmly in his head.

_Juno._

The name of a goddess for someone so heavenly, it was fitting.

He’d asked around to see if anyone knew him. Cass cited him as a good kid with a lot of issues. Alessandra said they dated before she met her girlfriend. She told Peter he was a sweetheart and deep down was a secret softie. Vicky said he was a P.I. and told Peter the story of how he saved her life. She said she owed him one and gave Peter her blessing. They all did, actually. All giving a different variation of:

_‘He needs someone like you to break down his walls. You’ll be good for him.’_

So, while Alessandra took Juno’s order (not that she needed to), Peter felt his heart catch in his chest.

He scribbled the name ‘Rita’ on one cup before scribbling something else on the other.

A number.

His hands shook as he butchered the tradition of latte art. As he handed Juno the coffee he mustered all the confidence he could. He tried to seem carefree. He winked.

“Call me.” Peter chimed, feeling instantly like a teenage girl, every extreme attempt at flirting falling flat.

To his surprise, Juno smiled. A full, real, pure smile.

In that moment, Peter decided he’d give anything to see that smile again.

Peter swore he caught the start of a phone call as Juno left.

“Rita, you won’t fucking believe this-“

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! As usual, I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Any and all feedback is welcome!  
> \- Alex


End file.
